金色的童年—— 三歲半就進(jìn)入寄宿制的空軍直屬幼兒園；被藍(lán)天藝術(shù)團(tuán)創(chuàng)始人李美紅老師視為心肝寶貝，從小就成為藍(lán)天藝術(shù)團(tuán)的小小舞蹈尖子。該照片是《新觀察》雜志社ps的封面圖片，蹲著的女孩就是我。
Golden childhood —— At three-and-half years old, I was sent to a boarding pre-school exclusively for China Air Force personnel. My teacher, Blue Sky Arts Performing Troops founder, Li Meihong, took me as her favorite little dancer. This photo is a collaged piece as the New Observations Magazine’s cover image; the squatting girl is me. <p class="ql-block">父親——上海-延安-空軍-四野-炮兵-空軍</p><p class="ql-block">Father —— Yan An - Air force - Artillery Troop - Air force</p> 幸福的童年 Happy childhood <p class="ql-block" style="text-align: center;"><b>小女孩還是一副淘氣的樣子</b></p> <p class="ql-block" style="text-align: center;"><b>大家公認(rèn)我是爸爸的掌上明珠</b></p> <p class="ql-block">文革時(shí)期，父親被打成反革命、叛徒、走資本主義道路當(dāng)權(quán)派；父母被迫遷徙到沙漠中的五七干校。父親面對(duì)所有指控，堅(jiān)決拒絕承認(rèn)“錯(cuò)誤”，并且深知一去干校就要挨斗挨批，深怕我神經(jīng)受刺激，下狠心不要我跟隨他們，而讓我自己與大多知識(shí)青年一起下鄉(xiāng)，探索自己的路，不管這條路多么艱難坎坷前途未卜，也比在他眼皮底下心靈受煎熬強(qiáng)些，就這樣我才15歲時(shí)，就一個(gè)人先把家人送到北京車站，上了去大西北的火車。而我一個(gè)月以后一個(gè)人和300多名知識(shí)青年一起登上開(kāi)往大西南的列車，車馬勞頓了十天之后，來(lái)到云南西雙版納傣族自治州水利建設(shè)兵團(tuán)。</p><p class="ql-block">During the cultural revolution, my father was labeled as a counter-revolutionary, traitor and capitalist follower. My parents, together with my younger brother and sister were forced to move to the cadre school in the desert in the Noth-West China. In spite of facing all the allegations, my father firmly refused to admit his alleged “mistakes.” He knew that struggle sessions would be held against him where he would be severely criticized, personally insulted and physically tortured brutally. With fear of hurting me mentally, he was strongly against me following them, and let me go with other “educated youth” to the assigned countryside, exploring my own way of life rather than suffering from strong mental attack, even though he knew this road would be filled with hardship, toughness and uncertainty. Thus, I alone, at only15 years old, bid farewell to my family at the Beijing Railway Station. A month later, I boarded the train bound for the Southwest together with other young school students. After ten days of train, buses and trucks rides, we came to the Water Conservancy Construction Corps in Xishuangbanna Dai Autonomous Prefecture in Yunnan Province.</p> <p class="ql-block">剛到達(dá)目的地時(shí)，只見(jiàn)荒山野嶺，沒(méi)有房子住，我們就被分散到當(dāng)?shù)卮鲎謇相l(xiāng)家里暫時(shí)借住，語(yǔ)言不通、習(xí)俗不懂、水土不服、食物不慣……</p><p class="ql-block">Upon arrival at our destination in Yunnan Province, we found no houses to live in, only barren fields and mountain ridges in front of us. We were separated and spread out among local Dai villager’s homes, for the time being. Completely different language, surroundings, local customs, food habits, and not acclimatized to the new place were all barriers......</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p> 我們必須自己動(dòng)手開(kāi)始蓋房子、種菜、挑水、建營(yíng)地…… 一連勞動(dòng)了十天才休息！唯一令人高興的事情就是這第一個(gè)休息日，即當(dāng)?shù)乩相l(xiāng)逢十趕集日（沒(méi)有周末），趕緊借了傣族東家小龍英（傣語(yǔ)“女孩”）的筒裙，徒步跑了十八公里來(lái)到勐遮公社照相館照相，想和第一封家信一起給爸爸媽媽寄去。
We immediately started building dwellings, planting food and diverting water for our camps ...... We didn’t have Saturday and Sunday breaks; we only had one day break every ten days! On the first break day we had one pleasant thing. We hurriedly borrowed a small Dai girl’s dress, and ran 18 miles on foot to Mengzhe Commune Photo Studio to take photos, with intention to send my first letter to my mom and dad. 這十天的日子非常清苦，但笑容必須是甜蜜的，因?yàn)橐恍南胫窃趯?duì)爸爸媽媽微笑，也想讓他們看到我在這里過(guò)得很好，很開(kāi)心！
Although these first ten days were full of hardship and homesickness, I wanted my mom and dad to see me here very well and very happy! Therefore, the smile for the photo had to be sweet. So, I took the photo thinking I was smiling at mom and dad. 云南到處是青山碧水樹(shù)木郁郁蔥蔥，我們的青春也正是郁郁蔥蔥。
Yunnan province is full of lush green hills, clear water and trees, our youth was lush. 我們的房屋就是這樣蓋起來(lái)的。我也曾經(jīng)爬到房脊上蓋屋頂，就是把草排（棕櫚樹(shù)葉編排扎好的屋頂建材）一張一張地摞起來(lái)，用竹篾子把他們固定在房梁上面架起的椽子上。這活要有技術(shù)還又挺危險(xiǎn)，搞不好會(huì)摔下來(lái)受傷，可我憑著自己身段靈巧敏捷，干著一般男生才干的活?，F(xiàn)在說(shuō)起來(lái)，我還常常自稱，這樣的房子我從頭到尾都知道是怎么蓋的。
Our cottages were built in this way with raw materials obtained locally. I used to climb to the ridge cap of the roof to line up the grass (Palm leaf arrangement tied as roofing materials) fixing them with bamboo strips to the rafters. It was a technical and risky job usually for boys. It was easy to fall down and get hurt, and I was the only girl doing it. Now, I often claim that I know how to build such a house from beginning to end. 這是我們?cè)谏w營(yíng)房，是我們親手一邊學(xué)一邊建造起來(lái)的茅草房，也是我們正式的宿舍；第一晚還沒(méi)蓋好就入住了，還沒(méi)裝門(mén)，只有泥巴糊的門(mén)框，女生不敢睡覺(jué)，半夜去把連長(zhǎng)找來(lái)，他終于想辦法給我們弄了一大片竹排臨時(shí)堵在門(mén)口，我們從里面頂幾把鋤頭，才戰(zhàn)戰(zhàn)兢兢地入睡了。我們一個(gè)班住一棟房，每人一張床，邊上放著唯一屬于自己的財(cái)產(chǎn)——從家鄉(xiāng)帶來(lái)的大箱子，然后就是用毛竹劈成竹巴做的桌子，這就是我們的全部家當(dāng)了。
This is our barracks under construction. We were builing it while learning. The thatched rooms were our official home / dormitory; the first night didn't see the door installed yet with only mud pasted hole on the wall, and the girls did not dare to sleep in; so at midnight Commander was called up and he finally found a large raft to temporarily block the hole as a door, we supported it from inside with several hoes, and trembling back to bed to sleep. We lived together with a dozen girls in each cottage. Each girl had a bed, a small table made of bamboo split and bamboo bar, plus our own trunk case as our own private property. This was the total of all our possessions. 正如紅旗上寫(xiě)的，要準(zhǔn)備打仗！我們是按軍隊(duì)編制、由現(xiàn)役軍人牽頭、地方干部輔助管理的模式。每個(gè)月都要軍訓(xùn)，半夜吹哨叫大家迅速打起背包出去走一圈，號(hào)稱“拉練”，伸手不見(jiàn)五指的山里面常常因?yàn)榭床灰?jiàn)路掉到山溝里摔一身泥。
The slogan on our flag was “Prepare for War” and we were organized as in an army system. Active duty military personnel were appointed as our leaders and local cadres as management assistants. Military training was enforced on a monthly basis. Whistling broke the quietness at midnight as we all packed briefly and quickly. We were lead to walk around in the mountains, known as the "Military Exercise." In the scary pitch darkness, we often heard screams from people who fell into the ravine or mud. 背景中的鳳尾竹、木瓜樹(shù)、流沙河、茅草房…… 多么浪漫的場(chǎng)景！可是，在那時(shí)我們的眼中，毛竹就是被砍了用來(lái)做床、門(mén)、桌椅、小板凳的；木瓜樹(shù)讓我們看著眼饞，但從未吃過(guò)，因?yàn)槟嵌际抢相l(xiāng)們把青木瓜摘下來(lái)做菜吃的，從來(lái)不給我們留下長(zhǎng)熟的木瓜吃；流沙河一天到晚湍急流淌，我們每天砍柴都要把褲腿卷得老高從冰冷刺骨的水中穿過(guò)，還要摸著石頭過(guò)河把大大小小的砍下來(lái)的木柴扛回來(lái)；茅草房是四面透風(fēng)外面下大雨里面下小雨。
What a romantic scene - the fern-leaf hedge bamboo, the thatches, papaya trees and the Sand River in the background! But, at that time, in our eyes, bamboo was cut to be used for making beds, doors, tables and chairs, including small benches. Papaya trees grew only green papaya which was picked by the farmers to cook as vegetable, leaving us no ripe fruit to eat. The rapid Sand River water rushed through our camp, so we had to curl up our pants legs to carry fire wood cut from mountain woods for our daily use. The thatched room had four-sided ventilation, and it drizzled inside when it rained outside. 剖開(kāi)的毛竹大顯身手，把河水引到營(yíng)地，那就是我們的自來(lái)水管了。天天到這里來(lái)刷牙洗臉、打水擦身，勇敢點(diǎn)就直接在這沖涼了。
Bamboo cut open into halves was used to bring water from the stream to the camp, serving as our water pipe. People came here every day to get water for washing or just for a quick rinse-up. 當(dāng)時(shí)我們分配的糧食不夠吃，因?yàn)檎情L(zhǎng)身體的時(shí)候，又沒(méi)有油水，每人按定量的米飯下肚仍然叫餓，但是管理當(dāng)局規(guī)定我們蔬菜肉食只能是自給自足；所以我們必須自己養(yǎng)豬種地搞副業(yè)，一切從零做起。圖中是菜班同學(xué)用刀耕火種的傳統(tǒng)方法開(kāi)墾一塊供全連吃菜的菜地，他們能種出什么來(lái)，我們就吃什么，能整多少我們就吃多少，整不出來(lái)或者雨季什么都長(zhǎng)不出來(lái)，我們就喝玻璃湯，即鹽巴湯，挨餓是常事兒。記得我有一次吃的最好的東西就是黃瓜沾白糖；那里應(yīng)該是菠蘿甘蔗芭蕉的盛產(chǎn)地，但是因?yàn)闆](méi)有錢什么都買不起。
As our body was growing into adulthood, the allocated food was not enough for us, due to the lack of oil and vegetables. We had very simple meals, often still being hungry after finishing the meal. The management authority provided us no meat at all which could only be self-supplied. So we had to raise pigs and farm for vegetables, doing everything from scratch. The picture shows someone cultivating with the traditional method of slash-and-burn for a vegetable garden. What we ate was whatever we grew. And in the rainy season (almost for half a year), nothing would grow which lead us drink “glass soup” – soup with only salt. Hunger was common then. I remember the luxurous thing I had as desert was cucumber dipped into sugar. There was pineapple, banana and sugarcane produced there and available for purchase but, we couldn't afford to buy anything with our little salary. 我們的任務(wù)是在大山深處建造一個(gè)水庫(kù)，用來(lái)蓄水灌溉防旱防澇造福于邊疆各族人民的。偉大的使命始于足下，要從修路開(kāi)始，等修好延伸至大山深處的路，我們就又要到那里重新建造營(yíng)地，就地取材蓋房、開(kāi)荒種菜種糧、引水挖井蓋廁所等等一系列的重建。
Our task was to build a reservoir in the remote mountainous area, a water storage project for times of drought for the benefit of local people of all ethnic groups in border areas. This great mission began with building a road extending to the site of dam to be built deep in the mountains. There, we would rebuild our camp. 炸山采石修路筑壩，這就是我們這些十幾歲的孩子們干的活。當(dāng)時(shí)自以為聰明地發(fā)明了炸“神仙”洞，想盡量用較少的炸藥炸出更多的土石方來(lái)，結(jié)果自作主張使用了比規(guī)定用量更多的炸藥，把一座小山坡幾乎炸空了，上面的土石毫不留情地塌下來(lái)砸傷了好幾個(gè)戰(zhàn)友，有的至今仍然殘廢著。
It was the teenage children’s job (us) to get mountain quarry for building the dam. We developed a smart “invention” of making "Immortal holes" by digging into the side of the mountain creating an overhang that was collapsed. Once the collapsed hangover buried quite a few labors. Most of them were injured and some are still disabled. 我們不停揮動(dòng)鋤頭鐵鍬的手都長(zhǎng)滿了水泡，紅腫的肩膀挑著一擔(dān)一擔(dān)的土石、推著二輪小推車上坡下坡，腳底板磨破了也堅(jiān)持干。那時(shí)候我們都追求上進(jìn)，嘴上總是喊著毛主席語(yǔ)錄“一不怕苦二不怕死”“下定決心，不怕?tīng)奚?，排除萬(wàn)難，去爭(zhēng)取勝利”，我們頑強(qiáng)拼搏，拼體力拼耐力，勞動(dòng)強(qiáng)度大大超過(guò)了我們這些十幾歲城市學(xué)生的體能。
We kept swinging hoes, shovels day by day, our hands covered with blisters, our shoulders red and swollen from carrying loads of earth, stone and dirt. Our feet were blistered and bleeding, from pushing two-wheel carts uphill and downhill day after day. However, we were motivated by Chairman Mao’s instructions, chanting "fear neither hardship nor death" and "be resolute, fear no sacrifice and surmount every difficulty to win victory." We were striving tenaciously with strength and intensity. However, it was more than us teenage students could endure physically. 大壩輪廓初步形成，終于看到了我們幾年汗水淚水血水凝成的結(jié)晶。
The initial formation of the dam could be seen now, we felt it was a crystallization of our blood, sweat and tears of years. 我們?cè)诹魃澈由显炝藰颍×嗣看尉硌澩忍怂^(guò)河。過(guò)橋時(shí)眼睛要牢牢盯住腳下，否則一不小心踩空了就…… 盡管如此，收工是一天中最高興的時(shí)辰。
We built a bridge on the Sand River, which, saved us wading in the cold water with pants legs rolled up. When crossing the river, we had to stare at the bridge’s narrow wood slats to avoid accidentally stepping into emptiness. Nevertheless, it was the happy hour when we finished our labor work for the day. 我后來(lái)調(diào)到團(tuán)部小賣部，照片是小賣部?jī)?nèi)部，可以看到我們的貨架柜臺(tái)都是竹子、竹巴和竹篾造的，房梁和柱子也都清晰可見(jiàn)。
I was transferred to the regimental store. The photo is inside our small shop, you can see the shelves and counters were made of bamboo splits, bamboo bars and bamboo strips. Tree beams and columns are clearly visible too. <p>我們經(jīng)常背著裝滿貨物的背簍送貨上工地，為施工知青和老鄉(xiāng)提供方便；否則一到下工時(shí)分，大家會(huì)把小賣部擠得水泄不通。</p><p>We often carried a back-basket filled with goods for delivery to our working fellows on a construction jobsite. If we waited until they finished their work at the end of a day, the store would be jammed.</p> 公休日知青們的簡(jiǎn)單娛樂(lè)生活，就是隨便在營(yíng)房外面找塊地方打撲克。
At the break time every 10 days, the popular way to entertain ourselves was to find any place like this for playing cards.
與大壩配套的泄水涵洞，后來(lái)被命名為“知青涵洞”。
The facility supporting the dam - sluice culvert, which later was named " Educated Youth Culverts ". 去大壩工地的路上回首眺望團(tuán)部營(yíng)房。
Looking back on the road to the dam site, overlooking the regimental barracks. 十天休息一次，知青們自己互相理發(fā)。
The break time of every 10 days was also our personal hygiene day which included haircuts for each other at the site. 找了一個(gè)小土堆，企圖高瞻。
Found a small mound, attempting to look high up (Gao Zhan) 這是勐?？h里最大的橋，企圖遠(yuǎn)矚。
The biggest bridge in Menghai County, attempting to see far (Yuan Zhu) 身在西雙版納密林中，企圖放眼看世界。
In the dense forests of Xishuangbanna, attempting to think of around the world. 大壩為背景，企圖展望未來(lái)——修完水庫(kù)我們?cè)趺崔k？出路是什么？敢問(wèn)路在何方？
With the Dam in the background, in an attempt to look to the future —— Where is the road
in front of us? 苦中作樂(lè) 1 —— 大壩里面剛剛蓄水，我們馬上就偷偷跑去游泳；結(jié)果里面的灌木樹(shù)叢等都沒(méi)有被清理，動(dòng)輒被刮，而且還有水蛇出入。
Enjoy Adversity 1 —— Dam impoundment, we immediately snuck in and swam there, inside the bushes and trees were not trimmed or cleaned and there were also water snakes. 苦中作樂(lè) 2 —— 跟宣傳隊(duì)借來(lái)各種樂(lè)器，只為照相而已，沒(méi)有一個(gè)會(huì)拉/吹出點(diǎn)調(diào)的，那時(shí)我們叫“窮歡樂(lè)”。
Enjoy Adversity 2 —— With a variety of musical instruments borrowed from the unit performing troops, we just posted for a photo, no one really knew how to play. We called that "Self-Amusement". 直至二十世紀(jì)末，兵團(tuán)的戰(zhàn)友們才有機(jī)會(huì)回到云南，給這位因言獲罪的小青年平反昭雪！四十多年過(guò)去了，如果他今天還活著，他有可能成為一位才華橫溢的作家。
Not until the late 20th century, more than 40 years later, had the Corps co-workers had a chance to go back to Yunnan to straighten out the statements for the convicted young poet. If he were alive today, he might become a brilliant writer. 當(dāng)年偷偷掩埋知青尸體的三個(gè)愛(ài)伲族老鄉(xiāng)。
The three local AiNi people who burried the young city boy silently then. 由當(dāng)年掩埋知青的老鄉(xiāng)的指引，他們披荊斬棘，在大山里尋找知青遺骨。
Guided by those who burried him，his brother came to the mountains to look for his grave. 在知青戰(zhàn)友的幫助下迎來(lái)了這份遲到的平反，也算是讓弟弟的在天之靈得到欣慰了。哥哥帶來(lái)了墓碑和鮮花，給弟弟筑下永久的休憩之所。
With the help of other co-workers, the elder brother finally located where his teenage brother had been lying. He brought flowers and a tomb stone. <p>前排左數(shù)第一個(gè)是個(gè)北京來(lái)的67屆高中生，由于年齡稍大又戴著一副深度近視眼鏡，我們大家叫他“大學(xué)生”。他在三營(yíng)營(yíng)部做文書(shū)，跟大家總是和和氣氣、有點(diǎn)學(xué)究氣、還一副老大哥的樣子。在下鄉(xiāng)三年后，才被批準(zhǔn)了第一次探親假，他比我們都大幾歲，家里急著給他找對(duì)象，據(jù)說(shuō)（誰(shuí)也無(wú)法證實(shí)了）他幾次相親都因?yàn)樯頌橹喽鴽](méi)有成功，只好悻悻而返。但是他再也沒(méi)有回到營(yíng)部，就在離我們團(tuán)營(yíng)地20幾公里外的山路上，他自殺身亡，尸體被找到的時(shí)候，已經(jīng)是被狗咬得體無(wú)完膚了，唯獨(dú)狗不理的那一副眼鏡，是人人都能辨認(rèn)出來(lái)的</p><p>First from the left in the front row was a Beijing 1967 High School “graduate.” Because he was older than us and wore a pair of thick glasses, we called him "College Student." He was the secretary of our Third Battalion and was always very nice to everybody. He was somewhat dorkish with a look of big brother. In 1972, after three years in Yunnan, he was approved for a family visit for the first time, Because of his age, his family hurried to find him a date. It was said (no one could confirm any more) that his blind dates all deserted him because of his status being an “educated youth” residing in the countryside, He had to come back. However, he never returned to our battalion headquarters. Instead, on the mountain road 20 miles away from our camp, he committed suicide. When the body was found, it was torn and bitten into pieces by dogs. But the dogs ignored a pair of glasses, which were identified as his.</p> 這也是一位有著悲慘故事的知青，從未婚嫁。
This is a very sad tale of youth too. A pretty girl, never married, had been in a nursing home in remote mountain area in the vicinity of Beijing where she had lived for more than 10 years and I guess will spend the rest of her life there. 這是現(xiàn)在的她，孤苦伶仃，至今一直在北京邊遠(yuǎn)山區(qū)的一所養(yǎng)老院里，已經(jīng)住了十幾年了。
She has been here for more than 10 years. 七十年代末知青都開(kāi)始八仙過(guò)海各顯其能地尋找徹底回家的路，后來(lái)不斷有懷舊知青陸陸續(xù)續(xù)來(lái)到這里，來(lái)到這雖然沒(méi)有生我們、但卻養(yǎng)了我們多年的紅土地上，回來(lái)看一眼這里熟悉的山水草木傣寨叢林，我們的生命里融合了一種割舍不下的愛(ài)恨交集的感情。這是八十年代的團(tuán)部營(yíng)房，我工作了三年的小賣部就在那樹(shù)影掩映的地方。
In late 70s youth began to by all means find their own way home. However, there were always nostalgic youth that came back here in droves. They come to this Red Earth to look at familiar landscapes, lush plants, Dai villages and the jungles. They combined our lives with the intersection of love and hate feelings. This is the regimental barracks in the 80s, I worked there for three years as the commissary in the tree shaded place <p>沒(méi)想到水庫(kù)在被不斷地修繕，這是最近一位兵團(tuán)戰(zhàn)友回去時(shí)照的大壩外觀，我還從來(lái)沒(méi)有見(jiàn)過(guò)這么漂亮的水庫(kù)大壩呢</p><p>Didn't expect to see the reservoir has been in constant repair. This was taken at the back of the dam. I have never seen such a beautiful reservoir dam.</p> 水庫(kù)之碑 <p>2000年帶著女兒回去了一趟，忍不住大喊一聲：“我回來(lái)啦”！</p><p>In 2000, I took a trip back to the dam with my daughter, I couldn't help shouting out loudly: "I am back" !</p> 我指著這塊水庫(kù)石碑對(duì)戰(zhàn)友說(shuō)：“這塊碑上的字，應(yīng)該改成《西雙版納水利四團(tuán)知識(shí)青年青春之碑》，因?yàn)槲覀兊那啻耗耆A都被埋葬在這里！
I pointed at this reservoir Tablet and said to my friends: "The words on the monument should be replaced by 'The monument to the youth who dedicated their blooming time at the Xishuangbanna Resorvoir!'" 2000年與看守大壩的老鄉(xiāng)合影，我們?cè)谀堑臅r(shí)候他們都是給我們進(jìn)行再教育的“貧下中農(nóng)”，是我們學(xué)習(xí)的對(duì)象。
A photo with the manager / guard of the dam In 2000, He was one of the local farmers who was regarded as our re-educator. 帶著女兒來(lái)到我們初來(lái)乍到時(shí)臨時(shí)駐扎的寨子，看到老摩亞（傣語(yǔ)“醫(yī)生”），她甚至還記得我！
I took my daughter to the old Dai Village where we had stayed temporarily while building our permanent house. The old MOA (the Dai language "Doctor" ) still remembers me! 現(xiàn)在傣寨風(fēng)情
Now Dai Village life style 現(xiàn)在才注意到原來(lái)云南西雙版納是這樣多彩多姿！
Never remembered it was so colorful in Xishuangbanna! 2015年的老知青
Here I am now in the United States.