今生永遠忘不了你！?in This lifetime, we’ll never forget you

HZ Tang

人的一生中，都會有許多刻骨銘心的美好記憶和往事，基本上都與人類有關(guān)?？晌业倪@個不是 - 這是一個剛剛成為永恒，關(guān)于我家那個被所有人喜愛的快樂小狗娜拉(Nala)的故事。這是一個充滿無窮歡樂的生命，也正因為如此，它的黯然中止，讓人痛不欲生。所以我以中、英雙語寫下這個故事，希望所有人和我的兒女也可以與我共同分享這段注定存留一生的美好而悲傷的經(jīng)歷。In the course of a person’s life, there are many unforgettable and deeply cherished memories—most of them connected to other people. But this story is different. It is about something that has just become eternal—a story about our beloved and joyful little dog, Nala, who was loved by everyone.Her life was filled with boundless happiness. Precisely because of that, her quiet departure has left us in unbearable pain. I write this story in both Chinese and English so that everyone, including my children, can share in this beautiful yet sorrowful experience that will stay with me forever. 我曾經(jīng)以為，養(yǎng)狗的人都是因為缺乏強大的內(nèi)心而需要慰籍。只到11年前，女兒決絕的決定，徹底改變了我的看法。當(dāng)時女兒13歲，上初中后期的高級班，與比她高一年級的學(xué)生上數(shù)學(xué)課，感到了很大的壓力和緊張。她覺得收養(yǎng)一條可愛的小狗，可以讓她比較放松，也讓她與不那么柔和的父親交流變得更容易。我在北加州跳蚤市場的廣告專欄Craigslist 上找到了一條剛出生幾個月的卷毛白色小狗馬爾濟斯貴賓犬（Maltese poodle dog）。與她的主人約好在一個超市外面的停車場見面。I once believed that people who keep dogs do so because they lack inner strength and need comfort. That belief changed completely 11 years ago because of my daughter’s firm decision.At the time, my daughter was 13 years old, in an advanced class in middle school. She was taking math courses with students a grade above her and felt immense pressure and anxiety. She believed that adopting a cute puppy would help her relax and also make it easier for her to communicate with her not-so-gentle father.I found an advertisement on Craigslist at a Northern California flea market listing a young, curly-haired white Maltese–Poodle puppy. We arranged to meet the owner in a supermarket parking lot. 我和夫人開車帶女兒赴約。小狗的主人是一個墨西哥裔中年男人，帶來家中母狗生的小狗換一點錢。半尺長的白色卷毛小狗放在一個小硬紙盒里，一雙明亮的黑色大眼睛，滴溜溜地轉(zhuǎn)個不停，看著我們，沒有絲毫認(rèn)生的感覺，很是可愛。我們給了小狗主人$200 美元后，開車帶小狗回家。女兒把裝著小狗的紙盒捧在手心，目不轉(zhuǎn)睛，快樂的心情溢于言表。她把小狗看作她的女兒，根據(jù)一部美國電影獅子王（Lion King)里面的小狗名字，將這只小狗取名娜拉(Nala)。我們也升級為小狗的外公和外婆。My wife and I drove our daughter there. The owner was a middle-aged Mexican man selling puppies from his dog’s litter for some extra money. The tiny white puppy, about half a foot long, sat in a small cardboard box. Her bright black eyes darted around as she looked at us—completely unafraid, incredibly adorable. We paid $200 and took her home.My daughter held the box in her hands, staring at the puppy without blinking, her joy overflowing. She saw the puppy as her own daughter and named her Nala, after a character from the American film The Lion King. We were instantly promoted to grandparents. 回到家里，我們才發(fā)現(xiàn)Nala的健康狀態(tài)不佳。她的卷毛打結(jié)，內(nèi)耳因為感染有異味，大小便訓(xùn)練根本沒有，變成了在家中地毯上隨意大小便的“拉拉”，完全沒有一點優(yōu)雅的樣子。我開始把她拴在后院的鏈子上，但她拒絕睡覺，叫個不停。我們花了許多時間為Nala打理衛(wèi)生，治愈耳疾，完成疫苗接種和大小便訓(xùn)練?；丶业牡诙炀妥屗谂畠旱拇差^，使她平靜下來，開始適用新的生活。半年之后Nala已經(jīng)煥然一新，身體舒展開來，站在那里眼神明亮，充滿活力。When we got home, we realized Nala was not in good health. Her fur was matted, her inner ears smelled from infection, and she had no house training at all—she would relieve herself freely on the carpet, with no elegance whatsoever. I initially tied her in the backyard, but she refused to sleep and barked continuously.We spent a great deal of time grooming her, treating her ear infection, completing her vaccinations, and training her. On the second day, we let her sleep beside my daughter’s bed, which calmed her and helped her adjust to her new life.Six months later, Nala was completely transformed—healthy, bright-eyed, and full of energy. Nala成了我們家的開心果。她會歡快地迎面跑來，迎接每一個家人的回家。她會搖頭擺尾地上前，舔舐每個人的手腳。她也會跳上沙發(fā)，陪我們一起看電視。她很喜歡翻過身來，露出肚皮，讓我們撫摸。家人很久不見，遠行歸來，她會高興得圍著客廳和餐廳瘋狂地奔跑轉(zhuǎn)圈，有一次她的頭因此一下撞到了桌腿上摔了一個仰8叉，產(chǎn)生了頭皮下血腫和嘔吐，讓人又好笑又心疼。吃完晚飯收拾好，她常常喜歡從我的腿上跳上桌子，趴在中央，靜靜地看著家人們忙東忙西。She became the source of joy in our family. She would run happily to greet each of us when we returned home, wagging her tail, licking our hands and feet. She would jump onto the couch to watch TV with us, roll over to expose her belly for rubs. When family members returned after a long trip, she would run wildly in circles around the living and dining rooms. Once, she ran so fast she hit a table leg, fell flat on her back, and developed a scalp hematoma and vomiting—both amusing and heartbreaking.After dinner, she often liked to jump from my lap onto the table and lie in the center, quietly watching us go about our tasks. 女兒Ruby從Nala那里收獲巨大。每天從學(xué)校回家，都要抱起Nala，親了又親，放在身邊陪她學(xué)習(xí)，并與Nala互動。她的心情平靜了許多，順利地迎接了初、高中的挑戰(zhàn)，和那些日子里數(shù)不勝數(shù)的各種競賽。女兒進了大學(xué)和醫(yī)學(xué)院之后，回家的時間少了，但她每周都會打電話回家，與Nala視頻。告別的時候，常常要求母親代她親一親Nala，才戀戀不舍的掛斷電話。My daughter Ruby gained tremendously from Nala. Every day after school, she would hold and kiss her, keeping her by her side while studying and interacting with her. Her mood became much calmer, allowing her to successfully navigate middle school, high school, and countless competitions. Even after entering college and later medical school, she would call home weekly to video chat with Nala, often asking her mother to kiss Nala on her behalf before hanging up reluctantly. 女兒的哥哥Sidney，Nala的舅舅，是Nala眼中的白馬王子，每次他回家，Nala都會抱著他的頭，狂舔他的臉和嘴，那一刻好像這個世上已經(jīng)沒有了其他人。我們夫妻每次外出旅行，都是Nala的舅舅和他的小狗Chevy, 陪著Nala度過一段愉快的日子。My son Sidney, Nala’s “uncle,” was her prince charming. Every time he came home, Nala would hold his head and enthusiastically lick his face and mouth, as if nothing else in the world existed. Whenever we traveled, Sidney and his dog Chewy would keep Nala company. Nala的外婆，照顧Nala無微不至。每天由她喂食，變著花樣采購不同的肉食。吃飯的時候也把Nala放在腿上，讓她時刻感受家人的溫暖。每個周末，或者每當(dāng)Nala玩得一身泥濘回家，都是由外婆為她洗澡，打理得干干凈凈。外婆也定期地幫Nala剪去過長的指甲，方便行走。每當(dāng)天氣變熱，外婆也負(fù)責(zé)為她剪去冬天積存下來的厚厚的卷毛，一身輕快地享受夏天。Nala’s grandmother cared for her with meticulous attention—feeding her daily with a variety of meats, letting her sit on her lap during meals, bathing her regularly, trimming her nails, and grooming her fur, especially in the summer. 我很幸運地成為與Nala最親近的人。我每天下班最早，回來的第一件事就是帶她外出溜彎，這件她每天盼望的事情，走遍了附近所有風(fēng)景優(yōu)美的地方。也因為我醫(yī)生職業(yè)習(xí)慣的細致，常常很快察覺她的不適而提前干預(yù)和治療，讓她很快恢復(fù)健康。因此，成了Nala非常依賴的人。只要我在場，她都會選擇趴在我的旁邊，或者坐在我的腿上，露出一幅心安理得的模樣。I was fortunate to be the one closest to Nala. I returned home earliest each day and took her on walks—her favorite activity. We explored all the nearby scenic places together. Because of my medical training, I often detected her discomfort early and treated it promptly, helping her recover quickly. She became very dependent on me, always choosing to lie beside me or sit on my lap, looking completely at ease. Nala最受人歡迎的原因，還是她逢人就撒歡，親昵別人的可愛模樣。每當(dāng)女兒的同學(xué)們來我家，或者我們家有客人到來，Nala都會特別高興開始撒歡。她會快樂地奔跑著，踮起腳尖去觸碰客人的腳跟，翻過身來，讓客人撫摸她的肚皮，并舔舐客人的手指。What made Nala most beloved was her affectionate nature. She greeted everyone with joy. When guests came over, she would run happily, stand on tiptoe to touch their legs, roll over for belly rubs, and lick their fingers. 無論我們是帶她在附近的街道溜彎，還是在野外遠足，幾乎所有Nala遇到的人和狗，都會成為她的好朋友。她歡快的奔跑和叫聲，友好的觸碰，和任人撫摸的姿態(tài)，都能很快拉近人與人之間，狗與狗之間的距離，也讓我們遇見了許多友好的素未謀面的陌生人。在美國這個社會里，我們的Nala是一個沒有種族偏見，沒有文化隔閡，沒有性別和年齡歧視的開心果。我們的白人鄰居B夫婦非常喜歡Nala，把她稱為“社交達狗”(social dog)。Whether walking in the neighborhood or hiking in nature, nearly every person and dog she met became her friend. Her energy, friendliness, and willingness to be touched brought people closer together. In American society, Nala was a symbol of pure joy—free of racial bias, cultural barriers, gender, or age discrimination. Our neighbors even called her a “social dog.” Nala充滿活力，喜歡經(jīng)常去附近柏克萊海邊公園Cesar Chavez Park公園快樂地溜彎和撒歡，Nala loved going to Cesar Chavez Park by the Berkeley waterfront, where she could run freely. Nala陪著我們走過了萬水千山，去過了加州許多美麗的地方，走過北加州許多的步道健行，有時候遠達7英里（10 公里), 它也從無怨言，哪怕一身泥濘；She traveled extensively with us across California, hiking trails up to 7 miles long without complaint—even when covered in mud. 最遠的距離，是沿著美麗的加州1號公路，從北加州一直開到南加州的洛杉嘰，看到了她一生中最美麗的風(fēng)景。Her longest journey was along Highway 1 from Northern California to Los Angeles. She enjoyed the most beautiful sceneries in her lifetime. Nala也陪我們?nèi)チ寺迳即壦团畠荷洗髮W(xué)，She accompanied us when we sent our daughter to college 4年后又參加了我們的女兒的大學(xué)畢業(yè)典禮，給女兒留下了終生難忘的回憶。and later attended her graduation, leaving unforgettable memories. 在Nala這個月滿11周歲的時候（相當(dāng)于人類年齡60多歲），女兒的心愿是希望Nala能夠陪伴她到醫(yī)學(xué)院畢業(yè)。When Nala turned 11 (equivalent to a human in their 60s), my daughter wished she could stay until she graduated from medical school. 然而，天有不測風(fēng)云。Nala的身體狀況在過去的6個月開始一直在走下坡路：以前，Nala總是跑在我們前面等我們，但是過去6個月它都是走在我們后面，且常常要等她。尤其在經(jīng)歷過一次左后腿短暫的藥物導(dǎo)致的跟腱炎之后，這種下降趨勢更明顯。但她仍然照常吃飯，路遇行人和狗還是可以短暫的撒歡，有時在家中陣發(fā)的呼吸急促，也常常在降溫之后消失。所以，我們都誤以為，Nala只是老了，走上了逐漸衰退之路。我開始更加小心，Nala上下樓梯和爬坡，都由我們抱著她。出去溜彎，也只帶她走很短的平路和下坡路。However, life is unpredictable. Over the past six months, Nala’s health declined. She used to run ahead of us but began lagging behind. After a medication-induced Achilles tendonitis, her condition also temporarily worsened. Still, she ate normally and occasionally showed bursts of energy, so we thought she was simply aging. 4月4日周六，我們遠足群去北加州風(fēng)景如畫的Mori Point海岬健行。有鑒于路途短小平順，同伴君莉建議我們帶Nala同行。我很感謝她的提議，因為我們都沒有料到，這次遠足成為了記錄Nala最后一次陪伴我們，享受人世間美好的絕唱。盡管全程都由大家抱著她。On April 4th, we took her on a short hike at Mori Point. We didn’t realized this would be her final outing with us. We held her and didn’t let her walking. 這天的晚餐，Nala不吃飯。夫人給她塞了一些狗食，之后Nala發(fā)生了嘔吐。當(dāng)天晚上Nala發(fā)生了呼吸急促。我們以為又是樓上氣溫高的原因，所以Nala外婆一如以往，帶她睡到了涼爽的樓下。然而，癥狀沒有如往常一樣消失，反而加重了。所以第二天早上4/5，我們開車把Nala送到了伯克利狗和貓醫(yī)院(Berkeley Dog & Cat Hospital)。獸醫(yī)的初始判斷是急性心衰，答應(yīng)會做胸片，檢查血常規(guī)和電解質(zhì)，開始利尿治療，但無法做心臟超聲檢查。傍晚會與我們聯(lián)系。晚7點我們?nèi)业搅斯丰t(yī)院，胸片顯示雙側(cè)彌散型小斑片狀浸潤，無胸水，血常規(guī)無升高，沒有查體溫（沒有人那么方便）但獸醫(yī)覺得無發(fā)燒。白天用了利尿劑后，無小便，但有輕微腎功能哀退。換班的獸醫(yī)是一名ICU醫(yī)生，鑒于呼吸困難沒有改善，醫(yī)院的老式氧蘢門都無法關(guān)嚴(yán)，且他懷疑肺動脈高壓是主要病因（盡管他無法合理解釋為什么會有肺浸潤且他認(rèn)為不是肺部感染)，他建議轉(zhuǎn)院到Concord 的SAGE醫(yī)院ICU, 那里是方圓附近唯一擁有獸醫(yī)心臟科醫(yī)師和做超聲心動圖的醫(yī)院，也擁有完善的醫(yī)療氧倉。我們同意了，以最快的速度開車送了過去。That evening, Nala refused to eat. my wife forced some dog food into her, after which Nala vomited. Later that night, she began breathing rapidly. We initially thought it was due to the high temperature upstairs, so Nala’s grandmother did as before, took her to sleep in the cooler downstairs. However, her symptoms did not disappear as they usually would; instead, they worsened. Therefore, on May 5, the next morning, we drove Nala to the Berkeley Dog & Cat Hospital.The veterinarian’s initial diagnosis was acute heart failure. They agreed to perform a chest X-ray, check blood counts and electrolytes, and begin diuretic therapy, but they were unable to do an echocardiogram. They said they would contact us in the evening.At 7 p.m., our entire family arrived at the animal hospital. The chest X-ray showed bilateral diffuse patchy infiltrates without pleural effusion. Blood counts were not elevated. No temperature was taken (no one had easy access to a thermometer), but the vet did not think she had a fever. After the daytime use of diuretics, Nala produced no urine, and there was mild renal impairment. The incoming veterinarian was an ICU doctor. Given that the breathing difficulties had not improved, that the hospital’s old oxygen cage door could not be properly sealed, and that he suspected pulmonary hypertension as the primary cause (though he could not fully explain the lung infiltrates and did not believe it was a pulmonary infection), he recommended transferring Nala to the ICU at SAGE Hospital in Concord. That hospital was the only one in the vicinity with a veterinary cardiologist and the ability to perform echocardiograms, as well as a fully equipped medical oxygen chamber. We agreed and drove her there as quickly as possible 4/6 周六，SAGE醫(yī)院獸醫(yī)，心臟ICU的J醫(yī)生打電話告訴我，超聲波顯示Nala的左心功能正常，但有嚴(yán)重的右心室擴大和肺動脈高壓，他認(rèn)為這是呼吸衰竭和肺部浸潤的原因。盡管胸片顯示肺浸潤變得嚴(yán)重，他停掉了利尿劑和抗菌素，用上了“偉哥”治療肺動脈高壓，并且給了一劑抗栓劑。他說狗的癥狀，與我們的人類病人不一樣。我和女兒進去看了Nala，她盯著我們看，呼吸頻率較前一天有所減輕。護士說Nala仍不肯進食，J醫(yī)生打算給一點靜脈輸液，改善惡化的腎功能不全。我和讀醫(yī)學(xué)院的女兒商量了一下Nala的病情?？紤]到診斷檢查都已完成，而Nala在醫(yī)院己經(jīng)3天無進食且產(chǎn)生腎功能不全，如果明天繼續(xù)穩(wěn)定，可以考慮訂好氧氣設(shè)備帶她回家，由我們自己繼續(xù)用藥和給予更細化的治療。4/7 號凌晨四點，我花了很多時間網(wǎng)上搜索完制氧機和便攜氧氣瓶租借信息，準(zhǔn)備如果情況穩(wěn)定就下單。早上7點， SAGE醫(yī)院的夜班醫(yī)生電話來了，告訴我Nala的呼吸衰竭惡化，氧氣和重新利尿及停止靜脈輸液（昨晚已輸120 ml)都沒有效果，繼續(xù)治療的效果極??看好，懷疑已經(jīng)產(chǎn)生死亡率極高的呼吸窘迫綜合征ARDS, 希望我們盡快去醫(yī)院。8點鐘的白班B醫(yī)生的電話來了，核實了Nala的病情在繼續(xù)惡化，希望我們盡快趕到。我趕緊用電話通知了夫人、女兒、兒子一起盡快趕回家，由我開車一起去醫(yī)院。幾天的掙扎和希望，在這一刻近乎絕望了。女兒一邊開車回家，一邊失聲痛哭，讓我千萬別掛電話，陪伴她安全回家。在這個時侯，我的心情也非常差。但作為一名醫(yī)生，我得理性思考。就在昨晚，我已經(jīng)和女兒及家人考慮了各種可能的診斷和治療，以及最懷情況下的安樂死(Euthanasia)和火化(Cremation)的選擇。等大家都到家后，我讓夫人帶上一點酸奶，牛奶，調(diào)羹，和注射器。如果Nala還能進食，我仍然打算帶她回家，作最后的一次拼搏！我內(nèi)心在流淚 - 哪怕還有1%的機會，我也不要Nala離開！到了醫(yī)院，護士帶我們進了ICU。Nala看到了我們，想要掙扎著站起來，但實在是太虛弱。她的呼吸很急促，在腹式呼吸下，嘴巴一張一合。但她依然睜著大大的黑眼睛，看著我們，好像生怕我們會離開。征得了護士的同意后，我試著喂一點酸奶給Nala, 但她拒絕進食，也無法進食。在這種情況下，我們家人進行了最后的商量：女兒一邊大哭，一邊說，我不要Nala離開，但我更不想讓Nala繼續(xù)承受這么嚴(yán)重的痛苦了！大家表示同感，決定由獸醫(yī)實行安樂死e。Tests revealed severe pulmonary hypertension with right heart enlargement, and the veterinarian changed treatments to a single medication for this condition alone.Despite treatment, her condition deteriorated rapidly. On April 7th, we were told she likely developed acute respiratory distress syndrome (ARDS), with a very poor prognosis.We rushed to the hospital. Nala was struggling to breathe but still looked at us with her large eyes, as if afraid we might leave.We tried to feed her yogurt, but she refused. After a final family discussion, we made the heartbreaking decision to let her go peacefully. 這個決定就像壓垮駱駝的最后一根稻草，大家的情緒瞬間就崩潰了。失聲痛哭。我要求獸醫(yī)讓我們家人在藥物注射前都能抱一下Nala, 作最后的告別。我們每個人都流著淚，輪番抱起Nala, 告訴它會要去再無痛苦的地方，我們永遠都不會忘了她，要帶她回家，并親吻它。之后，獸醫(yī)把Nala擺在臺子的睡墊上，開始注射丙泊酚(propofol), 我們圍在周圍。一針下去，Nala的頭部活動和呼吸都馬上停止了，接下來一鐘苯巴比妥(phenobarbital), Nala就完全失去了生命體征。一個鮮活的生命，就在我們的眼前，幾分鐘之內(nèi)就停止了跳動，這是我們一生中從未經(jīng)歷過的撕心裂肺的慘痛經(jīng)歷！這個時候，Nala的左鼻孔流出了一些血色的液體，看上去來自肺部感染。那一刻讓我感到，肺動脈高壓應(yīng)該有好幾個月了，吸入性肺炎可能才是壓垮她的最終原因。之后護士把我們送到旁邊的小會客室等候。清理Nala遺容后，護士把她的遺體抱過來，讓我們與她呆一段時間，寄托我們的哀思。This decision felt like the final straw that broke the camel’s back; everyone’s emotions collapsed in an instant. We broke down in uncontrollable sobs. I asked the veterinarian to let each member of our family hold Nala one last time before the injections, to say our final goodbyes. With tears streaming down our faces, each of us took turns holding her, telling her she was going to a place free of pain, that we would never forget her, that we would take her home, and kissing her.After that, the veterinarian placed Nala on a cushioned pad on the table and began the injection of propofol. We stood around her. With the first injection, Nala’s head movements and breathing stopped almost immediately. Then phenobarbital was administered, and Nala completely lost all vital signs. A living being, right before our eyes, stopped within just a few minutes—this was a heart-wrenching and devastating experience unlike anything we had ever gone through in our lives. At that moment, a blood-tinged fluid flowed from Nala’s left nostril, appearing to come from a pulmonary infection. It made me feel that pulmonary hypertension had likely been present for several months, and that aspiration pneumonia might have been the final cause that overwhelmed her.Afterward, the nurse escorted us to a small waiting room nearby. Once Nala had been cleaned and prepared, the nurse brought her body to us, allowing us to spend some time with her and grieve in our own way Nala好像剛剛睡著了，大大的黑眼睛張開著，但再也無法回應(yīng)我們的呼喚。我們每個人都輪流抱著Nala柔軟的身體和她說著話，流著眼淚輕吻著她。我們都告訴她，沒有她在家的這幾天，對我們的打擊有多么大。她是我們家的小孩，我們是多么地不愿她離開，也是多么地想念她，我們還沒有愛夠她！女兒告訴Nala, 多么希望她能夠陪伴自己讀完醫(yī)學(xué)院，多么希望她還有許多年，和我們分享在一起的無盡快樂。夫人告訴Nala，幾天不見她，每天早上起床，每天回家的時候，和每天晚餐的時候看不見她，心里是何等的難過和失落。輪到我的時候，我己經(jīng)無法控制，號啕大哭。我告訴Nala，沒有了她的陪伴，我每天在Nala經(jīng)過的每一個地方都讓我想念她，而無法自拔。我告訴Nala，在我百年之后，一定會去找她，到時候千萬要記得與我打招呼啊……兒子一直圍繞著Nala淚流滿面。抱著Nala在我們面前卻一直說不出話來。我們理解他的心情，大家離開房間讓他單獨與Nala在一起呆幾分鐘，以免那種深深的悲痛傷到了身心。離開醫(yī)院之前，我們選擇了讓Nala單獨火化（individual cremation), 骨灰裝在一個可以裝照片的盒子里，會在兩周后交給我們。我們準(zhǔn)備將她帶回家，讓她永遠和我們在一起。Nala seemed to have just fallen asleep. Her big black eyes were still open, yet she could no longer respond to our calls. One by one, each of us held her soft body, spoke to her, kissed her through our tears. We all told her how deeply her absence over these past few days had affected us. She was our child, and we were so unwilling to let her go, and we missed her so much—we had not yet loved her enough.Our daughter told Nala how much she wished Nala could stay by her side through medical school, how she wished there were still many years ahead for them to share endless joy together.My wife told Nala how, during these past few days without her, every morning upon waking, every time she came home, and every dinner without seeing her, brought such profound sadness and emptiness.When it was my turn, I completely lost control and broke down in loud sobs. I told Nala that without her companionship, every place she had ever been now made me think of her, and I could not free myself from the longing. I told her that after my lifetime is over, I will surely go find her—and when that time comes, she must remember to greet me.Our son stayed by Nala’s side, tears streaming down his face. Holding her in his arms, he could not say a word. We understood his feelings, so we all left the room to give him a few minutes alone with Nala, so that such overwhelming grief would not harm him in body and spirit.Before leaving the hospital, we chose individual cremation for Nala. Her ashes will be placed in a box that can hold a photo and will be returned to us in two weeks. We plan to bring her home, so she can be with us forever. 回到家中，每一個角落再也看不到Nala以往無處不在的音容笑貌，大家都感到無比的失落。3天的時間，仿若隔世 - 幾天前還抱在手中的鮮活生命，如今只剩下一個念想，這是一個完全無法接受的事實。家中的每一個人，都會因為任何一種觸景生情的落差，而痛哭不止。女兒和母親在悲傷中，默默收集了Nala的所有遺物，把它們都裝在一個Nala平時洗澡用的大塑料盒中，準(zhǔn)備放在一個“Nala角落”的地方，讓Nala的魂魄時刻都能接觸到我們，不會走遠。Returning home, her absence was unbearable. Every corner reminded us of her. My daughter and wife gathered her belongings into a special “Nala corner.” 兒子在回家前，緊緊擁抱了我。這是他高中畢業(yè)之后，第一次與父親的肢體接觸。他感受到了父親心中無以復(fù)加的痛苦和悲傷。我們4個人然后相擁在一起，讓內(nèi)心的失落盡情地宣泄，也用家人的力量彼此療傷。Nala去世后的第二天，早上6點醒來，我習(xí)慣性的在床上找Nala, 準(zhǔn)備抱她去樓下后院草坪大小便，突然意識到她已不在而淚流不止；女兒此刻也起床，哭著從樓下走上來，準(zhǔn)備去上班，我們相擁而泣，為失去Nala而痛苦。冥冥之中，宋代大詩人蘇軾的《江城子》在我耳邊響起：“十年生死兩茫茫，不思量，自難忘。千里孤墳，無處話凄涼。縱使相逢應(yīng)不識，塵滿面，鬢如霜。夜來幽夢忽還鄉(xiāng)，小軒窗，正梳妝。相顧無言，惟有淚千行。料得年年腸斷處，明月夜，短松岡?！?lt;/p>早上的陽光照進落地窗，灑滿餐廳，我坐在桌邊的椅子上，下意識地看向身邊，那是平日里Nala躺在我邊上曬太陽的地方?，F(xiàn)在卻是空空如也，讓人黯然神傷。My son hugged me tightly—the first time since his high school graduation. We held each other, sharing our grief.The next morning, I instinctively looked for Nala beside my bed and broke down in tears. My daughter came upstairs crying as well. Lines from a Song Dynasty poem echoed in my mind, expressing the pain of loss.Sunlight filled the dining room, but the spot where Nala used to lie was empty. 下午3點是我平時帶Nala去Cesar Chavez Park公園溜彎的地方，如今我已經(jīng)不敢獨自再去了，我怕會幻覺到Nala充滿活力的倩影；我怕又會見到兩只狗拖著的高空風(fēng)箏，讓我想起天堂的信使；3 p.m. was the time I used to take Nala for a walk at Cesar Chavez Park. Now, I no longer dare to go there alone. I’m afraid I might see an illusion of her lively figure; I’m afraid I might once again see the kites soaring high in the sky, pulled by two dogs, reminding me of messengers from heaven. 我也怕自己的心情會變得跟宋代大詩人范仲淹《蘇幕遮·懷舊》的心情那樣的悲哀：“碧云天，黃葉地，秋色連波，波上寒煙翠。山映斜陽天接水，芳草無情，更在斜陽外。黯鄉(xiāng)魂，追旅思，夜夜除非，好夢留人睡。明月樓高休獨倚，酒入愁腸，化作相思淚?！?lt;/p> 女兒遺傳了我的秉性，同樣也非常受傷。她雖然經(jīng)常性的為Nala流淚，但她也非常關(guān)心我這個父親，希望我能保護好自己。她告訴我，她的一個朋友的父親也跟我一樣，平時是一個很堅強的人，在愛犬去世后，再也抑制不住自己而淚濕衣棠。她們一家人被一首古老的英文詩的傳說深深感動和得到療傷，所以轉(zhuǎn)送給女兒，希望能幫到我們：My daughter has inherited my temperament and is just as deeply hurt. Although she often sheds tears for Nala, she is also very concerned about me as her father and hopes that I will take good care of myself. She told me that a friend of hers has a father much like me—usually a very strong person—who, after the passing of his beloved dog, could no longer hold back his grief and found his clothes soaked with tears. Their whole family was deeply moved and comforted by the legend of an old English poem, so they passed it on to my daughter, hoping it might help us as well; 《彩虹橋》“有一座橋，連接著天堂與人間。因為它絢麗多彩，人們稱它為“彩虹橋”。在彩虹橋的這一側(cè)，有一片土地，那里有草地、丘陵和山谷，綠草如茵，生機盎然。當(dāng)一只被深愛的寵物離開人世，它便會來到這里。那里永遠有充足的食物和清水，氣候如溫暖的春天。年老衰弱的動物會重新變得年輕；曾經(jīng)生病、受傷或痛苦的，也都會恢復(fù)健康與完整。然而，那里仍缺少一件最重要的東西 - 它們無法與曾在世間深愛它們的主人相伴。于是，它們每天奔跑、嬉戲，直到有一天，其中一只忽然停下腳步，抬起頭來——鼻子輕輕抽動，耳朵豎起，目光專注地凝視遠方。它從伙伴中奔跑而出，因為，它看見了你。當(dāng)你與這位特別的朋友重逢，你將它緊緊擁入懷中。它一遍又一遍地舔吻你的臉，你再次凝望你最忠誠、最信任的伙伴的眼睛。然后，你們一起跨過彩虹橋，從此再也不分離”“ The Rainbow BridgeThere is a bridge connecting Heaven and Earth. It is called the Rainbow Bridge because of all its beautiful colors.Just this side of the Rainbow Bridge there is a land of meadows,hills and valleys with lush green grass.When a beloved pet dies,the pet goes to this place.There is always food and water and warm spring weather. The old and frail animals are young again.Those who were sick, hurt or in pain are made whole again.There is only one thing missing,they are not with their special person who loved them so much on earth. So each day they run and play until the daycomes when one suddenly stops playing and looks up! The nose twitches! The ears are up! The eyes are staring and this one runs from the group! You have been seen and when you and your special friend meet, you take him in your arms and hug him.He licks and kisses your face again and again -and you look once more into the eyes of your best friend and trusting pet. Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge togethernever again to be apart.” 歲月像一張白紙，每個人畫出自己的色彩；歲月也像是流水，一去不回返，抽刀斷水愁更愁；歲月更像是天空，它承載了每個人無盡的念想……Time is like a blank sheet of paper, upon which each person paints their own colors.Time is also like flowing water—once gone, it never returns; trying to cut it off only deepens one’s sorrow.And time is like the vast sky, carrying everyone’s endless thoughts and longings...... 我已經(jīng)告訴Nala:“今生我們永遠忘不了你，百年之后我一定會來找到你！” 再見了，我們的Nala!…… I have already told Nala:“In this lifetime, we will never forget you.After a hundred years, I will come find you.” Goodbye, our Nala……

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今生永遠忘不了你！?in This lifetime, we’ll never forget you

HZ Tang